Friday, May 29, 2009

Just Don't Push Me!!!

(This was posted on KCL - you may start seeing a lot of duplicate entries as it's so easy to cut and paste.)

I have never been more relieved that it is finally Friday. Why is it, when we have a holiday and the work week is only 4 days, it seems to be the longest week?

I’m not posting much, here or on KCL. My life is crazy busy and I don’t foresee any break.

But, I need to vent about last night. I had a family meeting with my ex's 3 brothers. I laid it all on the table. Made copies of everything I have done - social security, ssi, short term disability, applications to care facilities, gave them his bank account information and pin numbers, life insurance policy, etc.

I updated them on the daily nurse visits, she said he is “moving quickly” and are increasing his meds weekly. He is now up to 160 mg of extended release morphine twice a day, along with liquid morphine as needed. No wonder he’s hallucinating!

He has nothing, his life insurance policy is only $10,000, 401k is $500 and not much in his bank accounts. But, his brothers must think differently. I wonder if they think they will get stuck with the funeral expenses?

They agreed that his oldest brother will be power of attorney. But they keep bringing up the f’n life insurance policy!!!!! Yes, I am the bene, but I wish they could see that I’m not doing this for the money – there is none.....

Friday, May 22, 2009


For some reason, I am not able to leave comments in other blogs today!?!?!

Oh well, I hope everyone has a nice long weekend!

Stay safe,


Thursday, May 21, 2009

Not Just Another Happy Meal

For CerebralGarage over at KCL

After his post yesterday, I thought he would appreciate this (I know he probably won’t see this but I cannot upload pics over there yet!):

“The Whopper sandwich is America’s Favorite burger. BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with the hint of flame-broiled meat.”

This is just creepy.........

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Sportsmen’s Club

I know a group of guys that started a “sportsmen’s club.”

They get together at the local bar and plan fishing and hunting trips. I think it’s just an excuse for them to get together, away from family, and do some male bonding.

I found out yesterday that they will be having a fundraiser for my boys. They know how expensive sports are, most of them were hockey players, and want to raise money so my kids can continue playing sports as they get older.

It brings tears to my eyes that they are doing this for me. There truly are caring people in this world……….


I stumbled across last week and signed up. I saw it’s all journalspacers that are there.

My question is, how does one keep more than one blog?

Copy and paste from one blog to the other?

Make one more personal and the other totally different?

I had trouble navigating around kcl last week but will try again – hopefully today.

See you there!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Wow! Things can sure change overnight.

Yesterday morning, my ex kept calling to the kids to wake them up at 6:30 in the morning. I came downstairs and told him they don’t need to get up until 7:30 and my oldest has his alarm set so he shouldn’t worry about it.

I sloughed it off as it was just an hour ahead of schedule.

The boys and I were upstairs last night around 8:30 (yes, we seem to be spending more time upstairs…..) and my ex called for my help. I came down and he was in the bathroom trying to get his right contact out. He was dousing his eye with contact solution and taking his fingers trying to find it. I told him he had been wearing his glasses all evening and advised him he shouldn’t be wearing his contacts anymore.

4:00 this morning, he was calling for my oldest as he thought the cat was stuck in the recliner. I came down and told him not to wake the boys, tipped the chair over – no cat. A few moments later, the cat came running out of a bedroom.

At 6:30 this morning, he’s trying to wake the kids. Again, I told him it’s only 6:30, but within the next 10 minutes, he tried to get the boys up two other times.

Every morning, his brother picks him up to go to his 8:45 radiation treatment. He normally shows up around 8:30. Before I leave for work this morning at 7:00, he’s outside waiting for his brother. We get him back into the house and I told him it’s too early. As soon as I get to work, my son calls and says Dad is outside again. I call his cell phone and get him back into the house.

I call the house at 8:15 to see how everything is going. Dad went back outside at 8:00 to wait for his brother.

I think a meeting with his family is in order for this weekend. I honestly think he needs more care than what I can give him.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Caregiving for a person with whom I have had a strained relationship is especially challenging.

Old hurts, sad memories, and past misunderstandings are making things more difficult.

I see him sit on the recliner and think of all the times he sat in the living room, drinking or passed out drunk, not being involved with life.

Cancer has not changed him. He is still yelling – this time just at the kids. I know he is scared and being home is an adjustment for everyone.

I am trying to put aside my differences and focus on the present, focus on making him comfortable.

I am placing a phone call to Hospice today. I know he will require more help in the immediate future. I do not feel guilty that I cannot be there for him 24/7. I want to continue with my own life – my new job, the kids’ activities, hell, even just taking my dog out for a walk.

So far, I have been patient. As every new day approaches, I am feeling more anxiety. I know his health is deteriorating and I wonder everyday what I should expect when I get home from work….it’s a scary feeling.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Bucket List

In the next few months, I will probably be writing about life and death. Watching someone die is an experience.

It makes you think about your own life, what you could do different, and what you’ve accomplished.

People need to start living their life more fully. They go about their daily lives not looking for the enjoyable – work all week and into the weekend.

We need to set time aside to do something different. Share it with family and friends, build memories.

It doesn’t have to be anything big or expensive. I treasure the times I have brought my kids to the art museums, bought our membership to the science museum so we can go anytime we want, tour the state capital, walk around a different lake enjoying the beauty around us.

Get the most from each hour, each day, and each age of your life. Then you can look forward with confidence, and back without regrets.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Jerzeyjeep always leaves comments on my blog. I can’t speak for her, but we seem to share something that is different. If I personally knew her, I think we would really get along.

Anyway, I just went to see if she has updated – she hasn’t since March 9th. Her last post was about her friend P.

P reminds me so much of my friend Lori. We also have been friends for 34 years. I don’t know if I wrote about her on Journalspace, but we have an unusual friendship.

She moved to Minnesota from the Chicago area when we were in 5th grade. Her Dad worked for the Federal Highway Department so they moved around a lot. She has three older brothers – one played football with my brother.

Her family only lived here for one year, but that year really made an impact on my life.

We have been best friends ever since.

Our lives are in sync. I remember back in 5th grade, our Moms bought us a “training bra.” The funny thing was, we got them on the same day. Being as close as we were, our Moms really didn’t develop any type of friendship. I think it was just coincidence.

Ever since, everything that happens in our lives happens at the same time.

She doesn’t have any children, but treats mine like her own.

She was born in Minnesota, has lived in Michigan, North Dakota, California, and now resides in Colorado.

I still have letters that we wrote each other after 5th grade. We have always kept in touch and now try and see each other a couple times a year.

The memories and stories I have about the two of us are many. Man, the trouble we caused during our high school and college years when we got together - it probably was a good thing we didn't live closer to each other!

True friendships last a lifetime. I am blessed to have her in my life.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Opening Day

Baseball has officially started. The 2nd baseman for the Twins - Alexi Casilla - threw out the first pitch and stayed to autograph anything the kids had to sign.

It was a perfect afternoon, both kids won their games and we followed up the day by going to the Twins game against Kansas City that night. Too bad they lost in 11 innings.....

Friday, May 1, 2009

My Mother

My Mom takes an active part in watching her grandchildren play sports.

Saturday is opening day for my boys with baseball. It is a huge event as they have an opening ceremony and games are played all day.

I called her last night and told her the game times.

She isn’t able to make it as there is a Mother/Daughter brunch at her church that she will be at most of the morning and afternoon.

Funny thing – I’m her only daughter and I won’t be there!?!?!?