Caregiving for a person with whom I have had a strained relationship is especially challenging.
Old hurts, sad memories, and past misunderstandings are making things more difficult.
I see him sit on the recliner and think of all the times he sat in the living room, drinking or passed out drunk, not being involved with life.
Cancer has not changed him. He is still yelling – this time just at the kids. I know he is scared and being home is an adjustment for everyone.
I am trying to put aside my differences and focus on the present, focus on making him comfortable.
I am placing a phone call to Hospice today. I know he will require more help in the immediate future. I do not feel guilty that I cannot be there for him 24/7. I want to continue with my own life – my new job, the kids’ activities, hell, even just taking my dog out for a walk.
So far, I have been patient. As every new day approaches, I am feeling more anxiety. I know his health is deteriorating and I wonder everyday what I should expect when I get home from work….it’s a scary feeling.
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I can't even imagine how tough this is....you're amazing for doing this, S.
ReplyDeletei am sure he is angry at the world. You are still doing the right thing.
ReplyDeleteI know this is a burden.
Love,
Bobby
You are a strong person to do this for him. I don't think I'd have the compassion you do. I can forgive, but it's hard to forget. Some people will never change, even when they're on their deathbed. Sad. Hugs.
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